The Beagle Posse marched in in
Delegation File.
It's hard to explain, but they have different ways of coming at me single file depending on the purpose. There's the Dinner Time File, the Treat Time File, the We Need Attention File, the You Are Failing Woefully File, and most disturbing of all, the Delegation File. Admittedly, these all just look like one dog following another into the room, but believe me, to the practiced eye, there are differences in demeanor and stride.
It's hard to explain, but they have different ways of coming at me single file depending on the purpose. There's the Dinner Time File, the Treat Time File, the We Need Attention File, the You Are Failing Woefully File, and most disturbing of all, the Delegation File. Admittedly, these all just look like one dog following another into the room, but believe me, to the practiced eye, there are differences in demeanor and stride.
The Delegation File means they have
unmet demands—demands that go beyond the usual food, scratches,
treats realm. Demands that may have been slowly percolating up
through Beagle Consciousness (a state about which Climate Deniers are
skeptical), or demands that may have just hit like of bolt of
inspiration arriving on some cosmic telegraph. Few moments are as
anxiety prone for a beagle owner as those before finding out just
what new Posse demands might entail.
Tuppence spoke. “We finished our
Thanksgiving list.”
“Oh,” I mumbled, “the things you are Thankful for?”
“The things we want.”
“Isn't that a Christmas list?”, I asked.
“We'll get to that after we see how you do on the Thanksgiving list,” said Tuppence. “This is a list of things we want to see on the table—and the floor.”
When it comes to food, beagles are single minded. And, with the Posse, Tuppence is designated to make food demands. Tommy is designated to commit food theft.
“Oh,” I mumbled, “the things you are Thankful for?”
“The things we want.”
“Isn't that a Christmas list?”, I asked.
“We'll get to that after we see how you do on the Thanksgiving list,” said Tuppence. “This is a list of things we want to see on the table—and the floor.”
When it comes to food, beagles are single minded. And, with the Posse, Tuppence is designated to make food demands. Tommy is designated to commit food theft.
“OK,” she continued, “write this
down. First, turkey; then turkey drumsticks; then turkey gizzards;
then turkey gravy; then turkey juice; and finally, pie. Any kind of
pie. And, oh, yeah, did I say turkey?”
I began to see a pattern. “Why did
you add pie?”
“We want a balanced meal. You can drop the turkey on the floor. Balance the pie on the table, Tommy will get it.”
“Sorry,” I explained, “we're not having Thanksgiving dinner at our house this year. We're eating with relatives at their house.”
Tommy finally spoke up, “Did we say this list was for you? We noticed that it's only a week until Thanksgiving, and there's no turkey in our freezer. You are failing again.” Don't ask me how, but the Beagle Posse can give a complete inventory of all sources of protein in our house at any time—freezer, fridge, and canned in the pantry.
“We want a balanced meal. You can drop the turkey on the floor. Balance the pie on the table, Tommy will get it.”
“Sorry,” I explained, “we're not having Thanksgiving dinner at our house this year. We're eating with relatives at their house.”
Tommy finally spoke up, “Did we say this list was for you? We noticed that it's only a week until Thanksgiving, and there's no turkey in our freezer. You are failing again.” Don't ask me how, but the Beagle Posse can give a complete inventory of all sources of protein in our house at any time—freezer, fridge, and canned in the pantry.
“If you want a balanced meal,
shouldn't you have some vegetables?”, I asked.
“Oh, yeah,” said Tuppence. “We'll have Brussels sprouts with bacon.”
“Just make it without the stinking Brussels sprouts.”
“Oh, yeah,” said Tuppence. “We'll have Brussels sprouts with bacon.”
“Just make it without the stinking Brussels sprouts.”
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