Of Lunches, Debts, Tree Rodents, and Java

Tommy and Tuppence, The Beagle Posse, stomped in--well, as much as animals with foot pads can stomp.

"Close the computer," Tuppence ordered, using her right paw to push the laptop screen down onto my fingers.

"This looks serious."

"We never bring up anything that isn't serious," said Tommy.  I let it pass.

Tuppence started it off, "Do we have lunch debt?"

"Huh?"

"Simple question, do we have lunch debt?"

"I don't charge you for any meals."

"Then, if we don't have lunch debt, how come we don't get lunch?  We heard kids with lunch debt don't get lunch."  Tuppy was grim.

I sighed. "You've been watching CNN again, haven't you?"

"Well," said Tommy, "MSNBC takes too many buttons on the remote.  We don't have thumbs, you know."

(I just looked confused.)

Then I said, "You don't get lunch because lunch isn't on your feeding schedule. You get breakfast, supper, and dog biscuits when we sit down to our dinner."  (Keeping them busy with the biscuits gives us some peace from table begging.)  I continued. "We're careful to not overfeed you, because a fat beagle is both ugly and unhealthy."

"We want lunch."

"Well, if I was to give you lunch, two things would have to happen. One, I'd cut down on the amount of breakfast and supper you get, so you'd still get the same amount of food every day. Two, you'd have to wake up at noon to eat."

"Why," challenged Tommy, "do you care if we're healthy?"

"For one thing, I pay the vet bills," I told him.

"PAY?" snapped Tuppence.  "You mean you pay someone to put that thermomajiggy up our....?"

"You are not getting lunch," I jumped in, "and that's final.  You get plenty to eat with your schedule, and the treats and bits of cooking you steal during the day."

A grumpy posse.

"While we're on the subject of debt," said Tommy, "have you finished paying off our Student Loan debt?"

"More CNN?"

"No, our Facebook wall."

"Huh?"

"You took us to Obedience School.  Have you finished paying the debt?" said a grim-faced Tuppence.  "Is that why you can't afford lunch for us?"

"You're kidding," I said. "Yes, we took you to Obedience School. We're thinking of suing to get our money back.  They way you two act, the school should pay us."

"We act FINE," said Tuppence.

"SQUIRREL!" yelled Tommy, and they both ran to the back yard in full beagle bugle. Five minutes later they came back as if there'd been no interruption at all.

"That's a perfect example," I said, "of why we want a refund."

"We perfectly did almost catch him," said Tommy. Looking more smug than a gossip with a new tidbit to share.

"Are we through here?" I asked.  "No lunch debt. No lunch. No Student Loan debt. Just a pair of hounds who overhear and jump to conclusions faster than they jump at a squirrel."

"SQUIRREL!" yelled Tommy, and they were off again.  They came back quickly.

"Quit lying to us.  There was no squirrel."

I sighed, "Just poorly chosen words."

"One last thing, said Tuppence. "And this is the most important.  Why don't we get a coffee break?"

I left the room.