I made the mistake of leaving the
Discovery Channel running.
Before I knew it, the Beagle Posse had
watched a documentary on the Theory of Evolution. They demanded a Sit
Down.
“So,” said Tuppence, “As we understand this evolution thing, we're basically a couple of wolves spending our days with a monkey, and the monkey is in charge. Is that about right?”
“First of all,” I sighed, “it's more 'ape' than 'monkey', and it has to do with common ancestors, not with what either you or I are today.”
“Potatoes, Yams,” said Tommy.
“Ummmm, I think you mean.......”
“So,” said Tuppence, “As we understand this evolution thing, we're basically a couple of wolves spending our days with a monkey, and the monkey is in charge. Is that about right?”
“First of all,” I sighed, “it's more 'ape' than 'monkey', and it has to do with common ancestors, not with what either you or I are today.”
“Potatoes, Yams,” said Tommy.
“Ummmm, I think you mean.......”
“Would you like to have a sample of
our Wolfish dentition?” asked Tommy.
“Would you like to find out how that dentition is going to do chewing on only the kibbles you can get out of the cupboard and Tupperware without any Ape-ish thumbs?”
“Would you like to find out how that dentition is going to do chewing on only the kibbles you can get out of the cupboard and Tupperware without any Ape-ish thumbs?”
Tommy muttered, “You're so proud of
those two digits.”
“How many days do you want to go
without them feeding you?”
Tuppy jumped in, “Let's talk about birds.”
“Huh?”
“The program said birds are the remaining dinosaurs.”
“Well, given millions of years and millions of changes, I guess that's true.”
Tommy began to strut around my chair, “Watch your step, Ape Boy, I can kick a dinosaur's ass.”
I began with great patience. “No, the birds in our yard aren't dinosaurs. They are the animals that dinosaurs evolved into. Evolution is defined as, 'Change in a group of organisms over time through the process of natural selection.' So, as dinosaurs became extinct, a few began to slowly change into the birds of today.”
“Yeah,” continued Tommy, “I can whup up on a Sparrowsaur, a Jayasaursus, a Goldfinchadyctl, a....”
“Stop. First of all, you can't even catch one of them.”
“Well,” sniffed Tuppy, “they cheat.”
“How's that?”
“They fly off.”
I said, “There's evolution for you. As the creatures lost their size and strength, they developed other means of self-preservation, and one of those was flight. See how that works? It's really cool science.”
“Nope.” Tommy puts in. “I watched another show that said wings are an example of irretraceable constructivty.”
“I think you mean, 'irreducible complexity,' and that's a silly argument put up by Creationists. Scientists have proved it wrong over and over. After you'd seen a good show on Evolution, why would you even watch a Creationist show?”
Tuppy looked at me with pity. “Because it's a lot easier to read just the first 20 pages of one book than hundreds of dense science texts. Sheesh, even Pat Robertson can see that.”
“Yeah,” I said, Robertson is about a Helix short of a Genome. He's the kind of anti-science fool who also denies Climate Change.”
Tommy stopped his strutting for a second, “He doesn't have to pee in Weenie-Deep snow. Let him do that a few times a winter. THAT'S something you can't deny, believe you me.” He went back to strutting.
“You know,” I said, “if I understand him, Robertson also denies Weenies.”
Tuppy jumped in, “Let's talk about birds.”
“Huh?”
“The program said birds are the remaining dinosaurs.”
“Well, given millions of years and millions of changes, I guess that's true.”
Tommy began to strut around my chair, “Watch your step, Ape Boy, I can kick a dinosaur's ass.”
I began with great patience. “No, the birds in our yard aren't dinosaurs. They are the animals that dinosaurs evolved into. Evolution is defined as, 'Change in a group of organisms over time through the process of natural selection.' So, as dinosaurs became extinct, a few began to slowly change into the birds of today.”
“Yeah,” continued Tommy, “I can whup up on a Sparrowsaur, a Jayasaursus, a Goldfinchadyctl, a....”
“Stop. First of all, you can't even catch one of them.”
“Well,” sniffed Tuppy, “they cheat.”
“How's that?”
“They fly off.”
I said, “There's evolution for you. As the creatures lost their size and strength, they developed other means of self-preservation, and one of those was flight. See how that works? It's really cool science.”
“Nope.” Tommy puts in. “I watched another show that said wings are an example of irretraceable constructivty.”
“I think you mean, 'irreducible complexity,' and that's a silly argument put up by Creationists. Scientists have proved it wrong over and over. After you'd seen a good show on Evolution, why would you even watch a Creationist show?”
Tuppy looked at me with pity. “Because it's a lot easier to read just the first 20 pages of one book than hundreds of dense science texts. Sheesh, even Pat Robertson can see that.”
“Yeah,” I said, Robertson is about a Helix short of a Genome. He's the kind of anti-science fool who also denies Climate Change.”
Tommy stopped his strutting for a second, “He doesn't have to pee in Weenie-Deep snow. Let him do that a few times a winter. THAT'S something you can't deny, believe you me.” He went back to strutting.
“You know,” I said, “if I understand him, Robertson also denies Weenies.”
Tommy was still strutting. “Tommy the
Dino Slayer, Tommy the Tyrannosaurus Wrecker, Tommy the....”
“Wait a minute Mr. Dino Slayer, what about those hawks? You run for the doggie door every time the shadow of one crosses the yard.”
Tommy looked at me briefly, “I've got other plans for them.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, an asteroid is gonna hit 'em.”
“Wait a minute Mr. Dino Slayer, what about those hawks? You run for the doggie door every time the shadow of one crosses the yard.”
Tommy looked at me briefly, “I've got other plans for them.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, an asteroid is gonna hit 'em.”
No comments:
Post a Comment