“Are we gonna get Bad Dogged again?” Tommy asked, but didn't seem too
concerned.
“Would it do any good?” I replied.
“No,” said Tuppence, “but you have that fun vein that throbs on your forehead when you try to do it.”
The Beagle Posse had a very bad couple
of days, so I called a top-level meeting. They wandered in.
“OK, we're gonna talk about three
things. First, the huge mud track in the back door and up the hall.
Second, the poop in the dining room. Third, when Tuppence bit
Deborah's finger and made it bleed.”
They held a nose to butt Beagle caucus, then Tommy said, “I thought this was in important meeting.”
Gritting my teeth, “Look, a bleeding finger; mud so deep I had to get out the carpet steamer; and a stinking pile I found just a half hour before guests arrived are pretty important matters to me.”
Tommy: “Why?”
They held a nose to butt Beagle caucus, then Tommy said, “I thought this was in important meeting.”
Gritting my teeth, “Look, a bleeding finger; mud so deep I had to get out the carpet steamer; and a stinking pile I found just a half hour before guests arrived are pretty important matters to me.”
Tommy: “Why?”
Tuppence: “That's all easily
explained.”
“OK, Tuppy, why don't you start with the finger bite?”
“Deborah tried to take my chicken bone.”
“No, she tried to grab the chicken bone you we stealing off her plate. A bone, by the way, that could have splintered and choked you.”
“Tomato/tomahto, squirrel/chipmunk. And, her finger was the same size as the chicken bone. I just made a mistake.”
I took a slow breath. “It was a mistake for you to try to steal food from a human's plate.”
“Yeah, while the human was looking.”
“Well, dear dog, she almost had to go to the emergency room for it.”
Tommy chimed in, “No stitches, no foul.”
Taking a long swig of coffee, I counted to ten. “Let's move on to those deep mud tracks. I had to go to the store, get carpet shampoo, then spend nearly an hour with the carpet steam machine.”
Tommy checked his butt, then said, “You own beagles, right?”
“Right. And?”
“You should have had carpet shampoo on hand. Your mistake.”
“Look, Posse, you could see it was pouring a deluge. Why did you rush out the dog door and go tromp around in the yard like that?”
“OK, Tuppy, why don't you start with the finger bite?”
“Deborah tried to take my chicken bone.”
“No, she tried to grab the chicken bone you we stealing off her plate. A bone, by the way, that could have splintered and choked you.”
“Tomato/tomahto, squirrel/chipmunk. And, her finger was the same size as the chicken bone. I just made a mistake.”
I took a slow breath. “It was a mistake for you to try to steal food from a human's plate.”
“Yeah, while the human was looking.”
“Well, dear dog, she almost had to go to the emergency room for it.”
Tommy chimed in, “No stitches, no foul.”
Taking a long swig of coffee, I counted to ten. “Let's move on to those deep mud tracks. I had to go to the store, get carpet shampoo, then spend nearly an hour with the carpet steam machine.”
Tommy checked his butt, then said, “You own beagles, right?”
“Right. And?”
“You should have had carpet shampoo on hand. Your mistake.”
“Look, Posse, you could see it was pouring a deluge. Why did you rush out the dog door and go tromp around in the yard like that?”
“Squirrel.”
“OK. And ankle deep mud.”
“It was raining.”
“Why couldn't you just bark at it through the glass door like usual?”
“You were already awake. No point in barking.”
Sigh. “You messed up the whole bedroom and hallway.”
“It was raining.”
“Then why did you go out?”
“Squirrel.”
“OK, dogs, we're going in circles here.”
Tuppy stopped butt licking long enough to say, “If you'd quit pacing, you wouldn't be going in circles.”
“You know Tuppence, you're putting
your Elevenses treat in jeopardy here. Smart ass beagles don't get
Milk Bones.”
She said, “Don't make us puddle the TV room.”
Even the coffee and counting didn't calm me down this time. “Then let's just move right to the matter of the dining room deposit.”
She said, “Don't make us puddle the TV room.”
Even the coffee and counting didn't calm me down this time. “Then let's just move right to the matter of the dining room deposit.”
“You can't prove we did
it.”
“Wha.......?”
“Did it smell like cat doo?”
“Tommy, we don't have a cat.”
“You put in a dog door, and cats are sneaky.”
“LOOK, I KNOW ONE OF YOU POOPED ON THE DINING ROOM FLOOR!” (….6,7,8,9,10)
“Wha.......?”
“Did it smell like cat doo?”
“Tommy, we don't have a cat.”
“You put in a dog door, and cats are sneaky.”
“LOOK, I KNOW ONE OF YOU POOPED ON THE DINING ROOM FLOOR!” (….6,7,8,9,10)
With an audible beagle snort, Tommy
explained. “It was raining.”
“So?”
“We don't like to go stand in the rain to poop and pee.”
“But you'll go out after squirrels?”
“You'll clean up poop and pee. You won't catch squirrels.”
“So?”
“We don't like to go stand in the rain to poop and pee.”
“But you'll go out after squirrels?”
“You'll clean up poop and pee. You won't catch squirrels.”
“So, you blame me?”
“No.”
“No? Good.”
“It was raining. We blame the rain.”
I gave them the stare, and said, “Well, the floors are one thing. But let's get back to Deborah's bleeding finger.”
The Beagle Posse turned to leave the room. As they went, Tuppy said over her shoulder, “Tastes like chicken.”
“No.”
“No? Good.”
“It was raining. We blame the rain.”
I gave them the stare, and said, “Well, the floors are one thing. But let's get back to Deborah's bleeding finger.”
The Beagle Posse turned to leave the room. As they went, Tuppy said over her shoulder, “Tastes like chicken.”
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