Guest post from Queenie

(ed note:  Queenie is a non-beagle, but nice, canine companion who lives with Beagle Posse pal Gary Gambino. Queenie asked permission, gladly granted, to tell her own story here.  Queenie typed it herself, therefore no caps or such.  The Posse is impressed enough that Queenie can work any part of a keyboard.)

hello. my name is queenie and i'm addicted to poop.

it wasn't always this way. i grew up with an old fellow named joe in richmond, kentucky. when he passed away in 2016, i was given to his son, gary [some of you know him by his nickname, gambz]. i had never considered eating poop before. i thought it was something that only mangy mutts and obedience school dropouts did.

gary lives with his very nice wife, deb, on five acres in rural southeastern ohio. very rural. gary says that 'it's so rural that even the banjo music doesn't reach here.' they have another dog, an old basset hound named ivan. one day we were in the half-acre dog pen, doing our business, when ivan said, 'hey queenie. check this out.' a few gobbles later, ivan introduced me to what educated folks call coprophagia. 'here, try some. i call it the other white meat. [of course, dogs see in black and white anyway, and i'm sure ivan got that term from gary's endless supply of pop-culture phrases.] i declined.

the next day i was alone in the pen. i had never eaten poop before. it grossed me out. but after ivan and his efforts at peer pressure, i was fascinated. i sniffed, turned up my nose, and took a nibble. it was gross, but i decided to try a little more. it really wasn't all that bad, and i felt as though ivan and i had bonded. what was at first an occasional snack soon became an obsession. once I got used to the taste, i was on my way. soon i had that monkey on my back. i was a poop addict.

as with any addiction, the first step is admitting you have a problem. there you go. gary wants to buy some of that stuff that makes poop taste really, really nasty, but deb objects because, well, she just does. detox sounds like a drastic solution. i heard there are also poop patches that i would wear on my fur, but i'm so furry, i doubt they'd be effective.

meanwhile, one day i'll summon the courage to talk to deb about her addiction to buying stuff on amazon.