Why are there no shrimp on the floor?

Mid 70s and 80s Six Shooter Shrimp from Gaido's Restaurant on South Main in Houston.

Tuppence sat peacefully chewing on an old stick she'd pulled from the garden mud.  "You know, you two humans need to do something about your diet."

"Well," I said, "I don't plan to chew muddy sticks. And we're pretty careful. I think we have a good diet, lots of fresh veg and fruit, not much meat, and very little red meat, and we watch our calories and weight.  And we eat 90% of our meals at home."

"You aren't doing it right," said Tommy. "We see some serious problems."

"Those are......?"

"You don't cook right."

"Sorry, Boy, I still don't understand. We don't fry much of anything.  We eat our fruits and veg as raw or lightly cooked as we can, and we have NO salty snacks or sodas in the house." (Boy, just talking to Tommy was making me feel smug.)

An exasperated Tuppence sighed, "You do your cooking exactly 3 and 1/2 feet too high."

"Huh?"

"The FLOOR! You don't drop enough to the floor."

Ahh, now, we have in previous blog entries talked about how, in a house with one-second beagles, the five-second rule does not apply. And any time I am cooking (I love to do it, and do most at our house), the Posse sets up a constant food patrol and human agility test in and around my feet and legs. In fact, Tuppy toes got stepped on just last night.  YELP.

"I heard that," said Tuppy. "We can hear you talking to them.  And you hurt my toe."

"Well, I'm sorry, but if your toe hadn't been shoved under my heel, it would have been fine."

"Where else would I keep it? Get back to the food.  We need you to chop, sling, toss, and drop more."

"Last night I dropped a spinach leaf and some lettuce."

"Exactly!" crowed Tommy.  "If we wanted to eat grass we could go to the yard and eat it right where we could puke it back up.  We're talking about quality here.  You aren't dropping enough butter, chicken, cheese, steak, and fish."

"Hey," said Tuppy, "remember that time he dropped a whole tupperware of gravy?  CHRISTMAS!  And, they never drop peanut butter," she said to Tommy, "The only peanut butter we get is wrapped around pills. That must be against the Geneva Beagle Convention."

"I would remind you dogs of a couple of things. One is the time Tommy stole a whole half a pizza right off the counter, and the other is that just this week, you, Tuppy, grabbed a strip of raw bacon off the plate I was putting in the microwave to cook it."

"Yeah," said Tupp.  "The tooth is quicker than the plate."

I continued. "As to the things you want dropped, we don't eat too much of any of that stuff, and it is expensive, so I'm careful with it.  Plus, it usually doesn't get chopped up like vegetables do."

"Humph," said Tommy, "You're falling down on the job by not dropping on the job."

"I'm not sure that makes sense, but I don't intend to change."

"Well," intoned Tuppy in her OFFICIAL voice, "we expect you to change. We demand to see more shrimp on the tile."

I tossed each a mini milk bone, and they went away convinced they'd made their point.