Out of the corner of my eye, it looked like a beagle with an argyle sock on its nose.
I turned, and out of my full eye, it looked like a beagle with an argyle sock on its nose. And another beagle with a Taco print sock on its nose. I had spotted The Beagle Posse, Tommy and Tuppence, passing by the den door headed out on some beagle mission. They get a secret signal every once in a while, and must head through the doggy door on IMPORTANT BEAGLE WORK. No human has ever figured out what that work is, but it usually involves a patrol of the fence, a few barks, a couple of pees, and then return to the house.
Back to the sock. "Stop right there. Come in here. What are you doing with our socks?"
Tuppy's voice was muffled, she had a sock on her muzzle. "Murber gergle mirus."
Tommy pulled off the argyle. "She says it's protection from the virus. Don't you read the news?"
"I haven't read anything about any dog viruses."
Tuppy had pulled the taco sock off. "We don't want it to start with us. You don't hear about the dog viruses because the people who own the news hate dogs. You don't ever read a 'Man Bites Dog' story, do you?"
I said, "That's a really old joke. So, because of a virus we haven't heard about, you steal our dirty laundry?"
"Would you buy us masks?"
"I don't think they make dog masks."
"Right. So we had to make our own. Have you ever smelled your worn socks? No germ will get past that."
"Dogs, I don't think any of this is very scientific. Unknown virus, biased news, dirty socks? Really?"
Tuppy said, "We do science all the time. Lots of experiments. Like we eat stuff by the curb to see if it will make us puke. We roll in different things to see which will smell more. Science."
"Well, is the experiment a success if you do puke or you don't puke? I asked.
"Either," said Tommy. "Science keeps an open mind."
Tuppy spoke again. "Forget our virus, we'll handle that one, what are you doing about the human thing that's coming?"
"All the stuff," I said. "Staying out of crowds, washing our hands, keeping Zinc lozenges handy, and we're having groceries delivered to stay out of stores as much as we can. Of course, we've had flu shots."
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!", barked Tommy. "More delivery people at the door?" There began a low growl chorus from the Posse. Delivery drivers are nearly as hated as squirrels.
"Calm down," I said. "If Deborah and I both get sick, who do you think will dish up your kibbles? Besides, this is grocery delivery, the driver may just be bringing you some Chicken Wieners." (A favored Posse treat. Please don't tell them how cheap chicken franks are. They think of them as specially prepared gourmet treats.)
"There are people who bring chicken weenies right to the door?"
"Yep."
"Well......... OK. Help us get our socks back on."
"No human has ever figured out what that work is, but it usually involves a patrol of the fence, a few barks, a couple of pees, and then return to the house."
ReplyDeleteQueenie writes:
hello, mr. carrithers. thank you for allowing me to tell my story. as for tommy and tuppence, are you sure that's all the 'important beagle work' they do, and have you smelled their breath upon returning to the house/
this is how it begins.
Queenie would like to update her previous comment to include this important news flash for the posse: We recently were invaded by an army of dears in our pen. I ferociously chased them away, so much so that one poor dear got her leg caught on the fence, and I could have caught her right there except that she managed to get free just in the nick of time. I realize now that it was a ploy to distract me while the other deer leaped to safety in record time. Now if that's not important doggie work, what is? I hear that dear carry lime disease. Ick. Have you ever tasted a lime?
ReplyDelete