THE DOGYSSEY

Tommy was sitting sphinx-like in his sun spot.  Eyes squeezed shut, he was smacking his lips and occasionally making some kind of beagle mumbles.

“Tommy, are you OK?”

He slowly looked around at me.  “Do you mind?  I’m reciting the epic poetry of my people to myself.  We have a great tradition of oral literature.”

“Barking at shadows and baying at the moon?”

Apparently, my ignorance pained him.  He slowly rolled on his side in the sun, and explained, with a beagle sigh, “No, I was more than half-way through THE DOGYSSEY, and now I’ll have to start all over again.”

“I don’t believe I know it.”

“It is the heroic tale of a beagle in ancient Greece who took 20 years to find his way home after the Trojan War.  He met all kinds of challenges, like trios of cats washing up and singing by the sea shore, a giant one-eyed Rabbit, and more.  All beagles know it.”

“You know,” I told him, “that sounds very familiar.  But by a slightly different title.  Are you sure you aren’t talking about the ODYSSEY, by the Greek poet Homer?”

“It’s, THE DOGYSSEY, by Homer, the beagle poet.”

“Well,” I mused, “I guess I can see a dog named ‘Homer’, but I don’t know that I’ve heard of a pooch called ‘Odysseus.’”

Tuppence decided to join in the conversation.  “Do you read about that dumb cat, Garfield?”

“Well, yes.”

“And what was Garfield’s dog’s name?”

“Odie.”

“Short for Odysseus,” she snorted and clamped her mouth shut.

Not wanting to yield the high ground of poochy pedanticism, Tommy leapt back in.  “And after THE DOGYSSEY I’ll begin my recitation of our heroic epic about a great Northern European dog, and his adventures with a monster, and the monster’s mother.”

“Hmmm,let me guess.”

“Yes,” said Tommy, It’s the story of BAY AND WOOF.”

The pun was like a knife in my gut.  “Oh?”

Tuppence put in her two cents, (no apology for that pun) “The dog hero fights Grim Doll, and Grim Doll’s Mother—giant dog toys.  He tears the stuffing out of them.  A tradition we remember today by tearing the stuffing out of our toys.”

“Beagle Posse,” I warned, this has gone just about far enough.  I’ve had it with this discussion.

“Obviously,” said Tuppence, “you have no appreciation for Classic Literature and great writing.”

“Humph.  What makes you say that?”

“This blog,” said Tommy.