Tyrannosaurus Chirp

I returned from errands, and the Beagle Posse didn’t meet me.  Their usual is both a show of love and a demand for attention, but they weren’t at the door.

I spotted them by the sliding glass doors looking onto the side patio and the bird feeders.  Again, not in a normal position.  They were one on each side of the door, hiding and peeking out around the door frame.

“Do you know what those things out there are?”, hissed Tommy.

A short backtrack to set the scene: On one side of the living room is a double sliding glass door looking out on a small patio, and across about ten feet of lawn to a stockade fence.  On that fence, we have hung several bird feeders, with a variety of seeds and feed to attract a variety of birds.  We get everything from gold finches to red-headed wood peckers, and enjoy the show.  Of course, we also get a fair number of squirrels, chipmunks, and even night-time raccoons.  And those mammals are what often keep the beagles glued to the windows of the door—and running barking through the house if they happen to scare one into running along the top of the fence.

Right now, there are no mammals, and the Beagle Posse appears to be keeping watch from hiding.

“Well,” he whispered, “do you?”

“Ummm,” I pondered.

“DINOSAURS,” Tommy screamed, “Those are Dinosaurs.”

“Those are birds.  Just birds.”

Tuppence went into a spew.  “Don’t you watch the Discovery Channel?  We watch the Discovery Channel, and a scientist on there said that those things are what dinosaurs turn into.  He showed, THEY. ARE. DINOSAURS.”

The light went on.  “Oh, I thought I turned the TV off.  But, in any case, some scientists, not all, but some think that some of the dinosaurs may have evolved into birds.  Evolved.  Descended.  And now they are small, harmless creatures.”

Tommy:  “They just look small from this far away.”

“Tommy, what do you mean, ‘this far away?’  Those birds are only a few feet out there.”

Tommy asked, “Can we get to them?”

Beagle depth perception and distance logic is different from humans.  If their teeth can reach it, an object is close.  If they can’t get a mouth on it, it’s far away

Tuppence piled on her own logic.  “Those dinosaurs in Jurassic Park looked small on the TV screen.  But you saw what they can do.”

“That was special effects,” I explained.

“Yeah?” spoke Tommy. “Your ass wouldn’t ‘specially like the effect if it was the one that got velociraptored.  I can’t believe you’ve actually been inviting those things to our house.  And FEEDING them!”

“Posse,” I tried to create calm, “those feeders have been there since before you came to live here.”

“We just now saw that science show,” hissed Tuppence.  “We had no idea, we thought you were feeding squirrels for us to watch, and the fly-y things were just unavoidable.”

“No, the birds were the point.”

“THEY’RE DINOSAURS!  YOU INVITED DINOSAURS!  What’s next, Bigfoot?”

I held my course.  “There are NO dinosaurs any more.  Not for 65 million years or more.  And there’s no such thing as Bigfoot.”

Tommy was almost getting to a growl.  “If there’s no such thing as Bigfoot, then how come The Learning Channel keeps putting on shows about ‘The Search for Bigfoot’?  The LEARNING Channel.”

“It’s all TV sensationalism, guys.  Just ways to sell ED drugs, quit smoking patches, and overpriced arthritis pills to gullible Americans.”

“So next,” says Tuppence, “you’re going to tell us there’s no such thing as a Sabre Toothed Tiger.  When we’ve got one wandering this very neighborhood.”

“Tuppence, that’s just a plain old Tabby Cat.  Not more than nine inches tall.”

“That’s what it looks like from here,” she snapped.  “It’s a huge, ferocious beast.  I’ve even seen it chase the dinosaurs.  It’s a Sabre Toothed Tabby.”

That beagle depth perception thing again.

Tuppy sped ahead, “You don’t care a thing about the safety of this family, do you?  It’s all up to us.  Dinosaursus, Bigfeets, Saber Tootheses……”

“Well, OK, Tuppence.  I see your point.  Maybe we need to bring in more beagles to help out.”

A chorus of, “Yeah.  Yeah.”

“Of course,” I said, “If we bring in more beagles, you two are going to have to share your treats with them.”

The Posse sat down and began grooming.  “No.  That’s OK.”  “We got this.”  “No help needed.”  “I can whip a dino any day………”